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Advantage: proGrammar
"Harde Wones"

any amount that works for you if you like what you hear here. Thanks so much for your support!

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11. Advantage: properGrammar (Air Fortress-Not Fat Iced Caramel Hazlenut Soy Latte)
12. Let's Just Say (Air Fortress-With Extra Whipped Creme)
13. Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon (Castlevania 3-Epitaph)
14. Ha! Ha! Ha! (Castlevania III-Boss Music)
15. Many Children, Tiny Children (Willow-Village)
16. Sore Afraid of Getting Old (Megaman II-Bubbleman)
17. Someone Stop Me, Please! (Contra-Alien's Lair)
18. It's Much Too Late (Contra-Boss Music)
19. Grow Up (Double Dragon II-Mission 5)
10. Aaaaaah!!! (Double Dragon II-Forest Of Death)
11. Kill Your (Final Fantasy)
12. The War on Terror Drugs (Gradius II-Boss)
13. Death by Committee (Metroid, Norfair (moncriEff))
14. Let's Roll! (Solar Jetman-Truckstop)
15. Good Morning! (Super Mario Bros. 2-Underworld)
16. Care for No One (Teenage Mutant Ninga Turtles-Minefield)
17. Chill Out, Dude (Wizards & Warriors-Tree Trunk)
18. Pack the Pipe (Wizards & Warriors-Woods)
19. Adv:pro Haters Eat a Diznick (Wizards & Warriors-Victory)
20. Kill Your (Final Fantasy) [clean version]

1. Advantage: properGrammar (Air Fortress-Not Fat Iced Caramel Hazlenut Soy Latte)

Advantage: properGrammar
Look into your doppelganger
Smash the mirror face with your fist
Leaving a lasting impression
Bashing your best friend
Cause he asking you questions
Without pulling his punches
Neither did you! and now you catch with your left hand
Natch with your yes men you’re attached to discretion
But when one is one’s own worst enemy
One puts oneself in detention
Good luck with that
World class clown fucking brat
Slash sadistic teacher singing songs having tons of raps…

(See your self in this shit right here!)

2. Let's Just Say (Air Fortress-With Extra Whipped Creme)

Let’s just say you made it out your mother
And weren’t strangled in your crib by brother
Or fell prey to the thousands of things that easily could be called SIDS…
And let’s say you grew up in a nation
That thought you deserved an education
Rather than be a slave to your boss, your father, your husband or pimp…
Let’s suppose while you’re enjoying school
Your classmates observe the golden rule
And don’t make your life a hell on Earth just cause you’re quote unquote uncool…
Further, let’s suppose that you were blessed
Enough to come from the culture tested
Such that you could be deemed by your dean to be worthy of a degree…

And so, as we can see from these few examples and the like,
It’s true what that Longfellow said about rain in your life.
We’ve all gotta have some and that’s gotta be plenty alright.
It is no more sensible to wish for sunnier nights…

So get over yourself and buy an umbrella.

Moving on, let’s say you weren’t so shafted
As to live somewhere where you’d be drafted;
Forced to give up some years of your youth to holding a gun for the state…
This would mean that you would be the freest
To ply the free market with your BS
In the hopes of securing a trade of 30 years for a gold watch…
With this job, perhaps you’d be so lucky
As to find a girl who would say fuck me
Make some kids of your own to grow up and hate you for giving them life…
If by chance you don’t end up disabled
And your pension’s big enough to pay bills,
You might end life humanely in one of the handful of places that’s legal…

And so, as we can see by looking at things that we don’t like,
It’s true what that Aeschylus said of the happy man’s life.
We’d be courting hubris if we named it such while he’s alive.
Only once the flame has expired can we call it good night…

So be smart and blow yourself out while on fire.

3. Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon (Castlevania 3-Epitaph)

(Oh my god, I think that might be the guy who starred in “Fools Rush In”)
Pardon the interruption
But my friend and I were just in discussion
Didn’t you star in “Fools Rush In”?...
You’re not Matthew Perry? (That’s not Matthew Perry?)

(I could be wrong but was he in “Six Degrees of Separation”?)
If I’m not much mistaken
You were in a film starring Kevin Bacon.
Six Degrees of Separation?
(That’s not… No.)
Two-sided Kandinsky? (Wassily Kandinsky?)
(Well… Um…)

(Call me crazy, but I thought for sure off screen he’d look much fatter.)
Aren’t you the famous actor
Who was eaten by a velociraptor?
On the screen you look much fatter.
(This is… awkward)
What is Seinfeld’s wife like? (What in Seinfeld’s lifelike?)

Is it any wonder? Is it any wonder?...

4. Ha! Ha! Ha! (Castlevania III-Boss Music)

Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! (x 4)
Don’t let me catch you tearing up now…

Welcome to Life… You get one try… sucker!
When things get bad… You’ll curse your dad -- motherfucker that he was he put you in this position… put you in this position without permission…

Get up! Stand up! Shut up! Sit down! Sit up!
Get in! Strap in! Shut it! Put your face in it!

Ride of your Life… You don’t decide… nothing!
Cry out your eyes… You’re terrified. Bluffing like you like it won’t make one iota of difference… to those most indifferent gods who put you in this…

Get up! Shut up! Give up! Shut down! Freak out!
Get in! Give in! Give out! Put your face in it!

5. Many Children, Tiny Children (Willow-Village)

Many children, tiny children, gathered all around the fire.
Who can teach them, who will help them not invoke the holy ire?
For if we do not have them keep the laws of our God, we will pay for their sins…
I’m all booked up on Wednesday.

Agile children, fragile children, dancing all around the flame.
Who can guide them, who will show them what it means to know His name?
For if we fail to take them on the path to His love, they’ll curse us all their lives…
I can’t stand kids, or I’d help.

Little children, brittle children, ever closer to the blaze.
Who like Theseus, brave Athenian, dares to lead them from the maze?
For if we leave them to The Minotaur we’ll have none but ourselves we can blame…
I’m not that good with puzzles.

6. Sore Afraid of Getting Old (Megaman II-Bubbleman)

I’m sore afraid of getting old... (Yes you are! Yes you are! / Yes I am! Yes I am!)
I’m sore afraid of getting old... (Yes I am! Yes I am! / Yes you are! Yes you are!/)
(Oh yes you are, and don’t you say it – don’t say you’re not!)
I’m sore afraid of getting older every day. I find the more I put on age, I have more stupid shit to say, I show you...
I know I’ll not be here for so very long at all, so I fake every day to be a blessing I’ve deserved.
And tho I’m scared to death my death be violent... only atop a building lies the silent spring!
I’m sore afraid to know I have to die one day. You know I fake my life okay, despite the shit we have to face, I tell you...
I know I’ll not be here for so very long at all, so I fake every day to be a blessing I’ve deserved.
And tho I’m scared to death my death be unkind... the only way around it hurts the ones I love!

7. Someone Stop Me, Please! (Contra-Alien's Lair)

Some… one… stop… me!...

Don’t stand so close to me! Chugga chugga chugga
I’m not supposed to be! Chugga chugga chugga
Left alone with someone’s children when no one’s around

(We are not a-very happy! We are not a-very happy! We are not a-very happy!)
Some… one… please…
Someone should really be coming and stopping me!
(We are not a-very happy! We are not a-very happy!)
Stop… me…

Churning and turning my insides
Where the Devil’s malevolent sin hides
Neither psychiatrist nor an exorcist nor voodoo doctor
Has a particularly helpful cure to offer!

Don’t stand so close to me! Chugga chugga chugga
You’re not supposed to be! Chugga chugga chugga
Left with me without some supervision by adults

(We are not a-very happy! We are not a-very happy! We are not a-very happy!)
We… are… not…
Someone should really be coming and stopping me!
(We are not a-very happy! We are not a-very happy!)
Hap… py…

Letting in Marilyn Manson
As a babysitter for your grandson
Was a terrible horrible call considering my prior
List of alleged assaults on boys in choir!

Don’t stand so close to me! Chugga chugga chugga
We’re not supposed to be! Chugga chugga chugga
Left outside the watchful eye of closed circuit tv

(We are not a-very happy! We are not a-very happy! We are not a-very happy!)
Stop… me… please…
Someone should really be coming and stopping me!
(We are not a-very happy! We are not a-very happy!)
Some… one…

Put me somewhere where I can’t harm
This delicious li’l kid with the branch arms
Who despite my requests to respect my membership to NAMBLA
Insists on wearing pajamas cute as pandas!

8. It's Much Too Late (Contra-Boss Music)

If you should find yourself on the face of a cliff in Kathmandu
Doing the kind of things that not even the man who’s Batman do
With the rains flooding in like you’re somewhere southeast of Baton Rouge
Never been here before; never knew just how much you had to lose!
Or, if your dead-end job pays a mortgage that’s in a cul-de-sac
Housing ungrateful kids who are yearly ever-emboldened brats
And if your only love has been lost underneath some rolls of fat
Blame everyone who claimed they would teach you but never told you that

It's much too late
To make your fate
Something that you’re
Sure you won't hate

Perhaps you’re in your bank only half the way through your transaction
When a man barges in with a sawed-off shotgun and black mask on
Rather than worry that your fund’s at risk of his malefaction
You should be more concerned about SE Commission inaction!
Maybe your money’s straight, family’s cool and - God willing - fridge is full
And you would plan ahead if you ever went hiking in Nepal
Don’t blow the moral off just cause details can tend to pigeonhole
Me and the Pope agree: it’s only your sin that’s original

It's much too late
To turn your fate
Into something
You tolerate

9. Grow Up (Double Dragon II-Mission 5)

It’s a-bout time you… grow up.
Seriously. My anger’s ‘bout to… blow up.
Give it a rest. It’s long since been moot.
Your act ain’t that cute anymore.
How would you care to find
Your place in humankind?
You’ll see you’re not alone
Inside the bummer zone.

You’re bouts to make me… throw up.
This is no joke. Self-pity’s gross, dude… show nuff.
Haven’t you heard: It’s long since past time
Your ass was that fine. Give it up.
I urge you: take your place
Inside the human race.
The one way to be free
S’to see yourself as me.

Your life’s a shambles… so what?

10. Aaaaaah!!! (Double Dragon II-Forest Of Death)


11. Kill Your (Final Fantasy)

You shoulda listened to your parents’ teachers’ friends when they said
You must be dead in the head
Or higher than a deadhead
Or rebelling like a child sent to bed unfed
All the advantages that you have been given
For you to choose as a living
To pursue music – about as amusing as the mews of a kitten
To whomever’s the opposite of a cat lady
So dumb it couldn’t be more done if it were sung by a fat lady
A crack baby stands a better chance of advancing to the head of her Mandarin class and getting a pass to study dancing in Nanjing
Than you do to put one or two of your boo-hoo songs up on YouTube in hopes of opening up for U2
After being discovered by the brother of some Hollywood Jew who happily introduces you to a veritable who’s who of industry types
That’s industry hype that’s only seen in movies and teevee
It’s about as fruitful as hunting for snipe, believe me
It’s not enough to be a Wonder like Stevie or a King like B.B.
You also need God on your side like BeBe and CeCe
Whinin’ ‘bout your undiscovered talent’s a waste of breath
Finding out that talent’s beside the point’s a taste of death
The life of an artist is amongst the hardest that one can choose
Those who go the farthest are the ones without a ton to lose
It’s not for those who mostly wanna pay the bills and Sunday snooze
It’s more for those who never had more fun than when they sung the blues
And if like tongue & groove you’re not yet endlessly bored with this
Allow me to continue to explain what a whore this Euterpsichore is
Woe to the po’ bastard enamored of her lyre and flute
Looking back on the disaster that’s your life’ll tempt you to filing suit
But, sadly, no one’s successfully sued the daughter of a God and Goddess
Despite the fact she gets fools more hot and bothered than ripping off a bodice
Such that mere mortals must by comparison be belittled
The only way to date a musician’s to play second to their fiddle
And most people, understandably’ll be damned if they’ll be so harmfully
Impositioned; even most musicians don’t like to play harmony
Which means either a lonely life or a lonely wife or husband
And after years of splitting ears in silence you’ll hear buzzing
Or high-pitched tones beside which phones’ rings sound bass-y
Able only to imagine the immaculate majesty of Duke Ellington and Count Basie
Years of your life spent on the road driving a van
The highlight of your night is high-fiving a fan
Day after day playing every jook joint from Up North to Dixie
Stiffed by every limpdick club-runner; paid in shitty beer & whiskey
Your manager, the booker, the promoter, club owner, bouncer, bartender, soundguy all got paid; in other words, you got fucked but feel lucky if you got laid
She’s not as hot as you thought, but you’ll stay in the bed of the creepy hag
Rather than spend another night on some stranger’s sticky floor in your sleeping bag
The cash from the single CD you sold pays for gas to the next town
And, strangely enough, if you should give up, you’d just be making space for the next clown
There’s 20,000 bands from your hometown that’d kill to be where you are
And where you’d kill to be you’re starting to realize ain’t really too far
Maybe it’s not too late to become an accountant…

12. The War on Terror Drugs (Gradius II-Boss)

Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you, too. How do you do?
Fine. How are you?
Fine, thank you. Please, take a seat.
After you.
Now that we’ve got the pleasantries out the way, whaddaya say? Whaddaya feel like fucking up today, and in what way? Name your game.
Well, if I had my druthers, I’d get my 12 brothers and we’d reform Mothers of Invention with intentions that were less than well-intended. We’d attend some well-attended type events or conventions set up and set off detonations meant to get the attention of the nation --

Never to fear! The return of…
No one is here! To protect you
Whether or not you had actually wanted them to!

Anyway, where were we? Ah, that’s right: jewelry.
Grabbed from the diamond district; the home of our Jewry.
Stain on our fair state, fair country and fair city.
It’s only right their stolen gold funds their pity.
We’ll pitilessly make them history and destroy their patron state for its sinful complicity.
That’d be the U.S.
What you speaks the truest.
This’ll be the true test:
Whose bombs are ka-bloo-iest?
We will order ordinance-filled vests be tailor-made before our double date with destiny – and six dozen virgins!

Never to fear! The return of…
No one is here! To defend you
Whether or not you might actually want them to do!

Allah u Akbar!

13. Death by Committee (Metroid, Norfair (moncriEff))

Let’s bring this shit to order
Someone should do the dishes
Who’s got lots of ideas to share, hmm?
Anyone care to show their work? Well?
I have seen an awful lot of sloppy applications in my time, but…
Just because I’ve been around the block it doesn’t mean that I’m by myself

Let’s make a toast to corporate
Someone should wash these glasses
Everyone got your memo
Let’s not do what accounting wants, k?
I’ve got lots of my own ideas. Sure.
I was really hoping for another week or two in Vermont, I’m um…
I’ll be disappointed if they end up giving Susan my old job back

Everyone shares in pain now
Anyone got the answer?
Let’s send this up your ladder
How’s bout getting some overtime, hmm?
I don’t see Stephen anymore. Well…
That’s an awful situation for your bosses to have put my son in
Let me try and find a cheaper way to get the staff to the island then

Who’s got the purple toner?
Someone should change the channel
I’ve got some more espresso
I’m sure I would’ve got the call, duh.
No one’s seen Bob from marketing? No.
Everyone just needs to take their sensitivity training course online
We have really got to work together if we’re gonna make our targets

What is the point of power?
Want to see bad conditions?
I’ve sent more faxes lately
Won’t there be anyone in town? No.
Safe to say it’s a buyer’s bear. Bull.
Hasn’t anybody heard the fable about hippies who don’t have jobs?
I was gonna send this on to your department but my own boss said, No.

If I could just pick your brain and throw it against the wall and see what sticks with my sweat equity. I mean, it's not rocket science; the ball's in your court. You just need to drill down and incentivise. Let's touch base about that offline and loop back on each other cause, you know, you can't turn a tanker around with a speed boat change. We need a holistic, cradle-to-grave approach. I've got you in my radar. You don't have problems, you have challenges. You’re just a low hanging fruit, looking under the bonnet. You need to pre-prepare with some forward planning; some kind of pre-plan. Let’s conversate and think outside the box from the get-go with some 360-degree thinking. Honestly, we are still optimistic things will feed through the sales and delivery pipeline, but we'd better not let the grass grow too long on this one. I’m gonna get all my ducks in a row; my door is open on this issue until close of play. At the end of the day, I’m always actioning something 110%, but there’s still not enough bandwidth. You can't have your cake and eat it, so you have to step up to the plate and face the music. You need to capture your colleagues and stakeholders with paradigm shifts so that they come to the party and start feeding it back - start cascading it - while leveraging their granularity. There’s been a reduction in workforce. I’m living the values of business 2.0 on a strategic staircase leading to negative territory. I want to be impactful! With a high altitude view, and siloed thinking typical of most businesses!! After all, it wouldn't do the pinstripers any harm to crack a smile and say what they really felt once in a while instead of trotting out such clinical platitudes. Of course a group of them may need to workshop it first: Wouldn't want to wrongside the demographic!!!

14. Let's Roll! (Solar Jetman-Truckstop)

Let’s roll! It’s go time.
Showtime! No more time
To dwell on last time.
We’re so fine this time.
All we gotta do is open up the door and open fire!
Let’s not fuck this up
Like we did last time
That was so fucked up
When we lost those guys
Bad guys fucked us up
Good girls told us lies
When we opened fire
We were no surprise
But I’m pretty sure we’ve got the element on our side this time!
Let’s just try our best
With our Teflon vests
That’s all we can do
That’s what they teach you
At Academy
Rat anatomy
Either head or heart
Neither’s a better part
I would just be glad to graze the skin after our last debacle
Let’s not let them say
That we weren’t okay
Or at least that we
Weren’t a travesty
I smell ambush --

God! Fuck!

15. Good Morning! (Super Mario Bros. 2-Underworld)

This is your warning:
It’s a good morning.
Get up, get dressed,
Get to school and get A’s!

Whether or not you
Want to you got to
Get up, get dressed,
Get to work and get paid!

This is your last chance!
Could be the last dance.
Get up, get packed, and
Get the fuck out my house!

16. Care for No One (Teenage Mutant Ninga Turtles-Minefield)

Care for no one; no one, no how!
Careful, no one. Show them know-how!
Care fool no one. Know them? Oh, wow!
Aren’t they just the most terrible things?
All people do is waste time… Suck all your life away, leave you with nothing.
I’d advise you not to engage… Leave ‘em alone… Just let ‘em be!

Careful, my son - daughter also -
Care for no one; they’re so awful!
Care-fool, undone. You’d be hostile,
If’n you’d seen what I’ve seen in my time.
How could you be so naïve?... As to sincerely believe unconditional love is a possible thing?... Give it a rest… I’ll give you something to cry about…

Care for no one; no one, no how!
Careful, no one. Show them know-how!
Care fool no one. Know them? Oh, wow!
Aren’t they just the most stupidest things?
All people are a disgrace… A discredit to the whole Human Race
And if you’ve any sense in your head… you will avoid… them at all costs!...
…no how. Care for no one, and your life amounts to nothing.

17. Chill Out, Dude (Wizards & Warriors-Tree Trunk)

Chill out, dude. I can tell you’re majorly upset, but this is helping nothing.
So what if she decided to postpone the wedding? People get cold feet.
Now, what we need to be doing at this very moment is determining just
Who this guy that she’s been stepping out on you with is and bring the pain to me - him.

18. Pack the Pipe (Wizards & Warriors-Woods)

The pipe, the pipe, let’s pack the pipe! (x4)
Yo, I look in every hip-hop magazine, it seems
That the blunts are being passed around the scene in teams
And the common man with contraband in lesser amounts
I guess cous’ understands he has his chance; he passes like Fouts.
But his pass is incomplete, 'cause I can tell in the smell
To let the dutchy pass me by, and let the left catch hell
If I wanted to smoke tobacco I'd get a skinny white bitch
I know that Raleigh carries a pack to cure the nicotine itch
Because the only itch I have is for the indoe or cess
So don't pass me that mess, or try to even protest
That it's adding to the flavor, 'cause the old one was fine
Whyon’tcha pack the pipe, and keep it movin` down the line?

19. Adv:pro Haters Eat a Diznick (Wizards & Warriors-Victory)

If I can just coordinate
My hand and eye for to make
My avatar coded by
Nerds in Japan to comply
With my intention and will
In demonstration of skill
Complete labors Herculean
On this here computer scree-un
(I’m not a virgin! X4)
I’ll have earned such a high score
Shown winning’s what this guy’s for
Nintendo will contact me
Ask me to be contractually
Obligated to them to
Make something truly next gen
Which will have such an impact
On pop culture that it can’t
Help but elevate me to
An object of great envy
(I’m not a virgin! X4)
Getting the attention of
She I can’t mention but love
Then maybe she’ll look at me
Giving me reason to flee
My mom and dad’s dank basement
Meaning I’d have to make rent
Then maybe I’ll have to fight
To stay alive in real life
Which might, before I do die
Bring some true meaning to my life!…

More About This Album:

The third Advantage: proGrammar album.

The title "Harde Wones" originally came from the fact that these were the most complex Advantage songs with the trickiest time signatures, etc. and were therefore the toughest to write lyrics to. Later, as I came to develop the subject matter of the songs, I realized the definition expanded to include "hard ones / hard wons" meaning the hard to accept things that the school of hard knocks throws at you but which, if mastered, challenge you to grow and become a better, stronger person. As I made my way through the abnormally arduous process of writing / recording / funding / mixing / mastering / mass-producing the record, I realized that the title also applied to the album itself as something born of difficulty but which I am proud to have salvaged from the ashes...

This has been the first album I have successfully funded via Kickstarter! It exists due to the wonderful generosity of the following people: Dad, Mom & Tom, Greg, Emily Kendal Frey, Josh Bell, Jesse De Bey, For the love of Cid, Henrik Iversen, Farhad Asghar, sia, Uncle K, Terry Butler, Laura Mackenzie, Tina & Jeff, the other 1/2 of team anal, Breana Cross, Chaz Kangas, Misti Miller, Errol Flynstad, Chris Craven, Samuel Styrsky, Rockabilly Joe, Louise Paquette, Sarah Goforth, Stacey Ewing, Megamaniaco, Heather Belding, Joseph Hung, dno, Robert Tyree, Jessalyn Wakefield, Polly Bresnick, Conny Brunnkvist, Brian Quist, Steve Borth, Spencer Seim, Tom Mayo, Daniel Hunt, Robert McWilliam, Alison Clancy, Sarah Mackenzie, Barbara Abrams, Gravy

The Advantage (Spencer Seim, Robby Moncrieff, Ben Milner, Carson McWhirter) played all the music. proGrammar wrote all the lyrics, performed and recorded all the vocals, and made the cover art. Robby Moncrieff mixed the album. Timothy Stollenwerk mastered it. Matthew Tucker provided guest vocals for "Six Degress of Kevin Bacon". Emily Kendal Frey, Jessy Flook, Mitchell Dries, Joseph Hung and Jack Forman provided guest vocals for "Pack the Pipe".

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