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01. Twenty Children Between Ages Six and Seven Years Old (Fester'S Quest)
02. Karōjisatsu (過労自殺) (Ninja Gaiden - Mine Shaft)
03. L’enfer, C’est Les Autres (Megaman 3 - Dr. Wiley Stage)
04. I Got a Letter / I Gotta Let Her (Ninja Gaiden 2 (Performed sEim))
05. P.I.C. (Mario 3 - Underworld)
06. Whyte Rapperz (Karnov (Performed mcwHirtEr))
07. Despoilers II (Gremlins II)
08. Bernie Would Have Won (Megaman II-Stage Select + Metal Man)
09. I Don't Need to Have Children to Know That You Suck at Parenting (Guardian Legend-Corridor 1)
10. Game Over (Double Dragon 2 [Story, And Boss Music])
11. How About We Don't Beat Ourselves Up No More?! (Ghosts 'n' Goblins - Intro)
12. Great Great Grandpa (Guardian Legend (Performed mcwHirtEr))
13. S.C.U.M. Manifesto (Blastermaster - Stage 2)
14. The Belchies 'R' Taffy Butt (Goonies 2)
15. Proselytutes (Ghosts 'n' Goblins)
16. Alright, I Get It! (Megaman 2 - Flashman)
17. Ouroboros (Contra - Snowfields)
18. The Berenstein Bears (Mega Man 2 Wiley (*^ (milnEr))
19. Hey Little Critter (Ninja Gaiden - Stage 1)
20. A 'Merican Teen Dream (Batman 2)
21. MonUGHamy (Megaman III - Sparkman)
22. Behind Every Great Fortune Lies a Great Crime (Super Mario Bros. 2 - Overworld)
23. Everybody's Awfsome! (Teenage Mutant Ninga Turtles II - Technodrome)

01. Twenty Children Between Ages Six and Seven Years Old (Fester'S Quest)

Press Start

One week after our murders
(I was gonna grow up to become a pediatric surgeon)
You used our deaths
To hype your cause
(I was gonna grow up to become an HIV researcher)
Parents beware:
Wayne LaPierre!

One month after our murders
(I was gonna grow up to become a famous football player)
You killed a chance
To make a change
(I was gonna grow up to become a famous opera singer)
United States Congress meeting
One hundred thirteen

We are the ghosts of the slain Sandy Hook children!
We've come to avenge our names…
We'll never let
You all forget
Bloody money
Funds your family

Seven years before our murders
(I was gonna grow up to become a high school guidance counselor)
You let gun makers
Off the hook
(I was gonna grow up to help find a way to feed the hungry)
W Bush
Made it so cush!

Several years after our murders
(I was gonna grow up to build bridges ‘tween religious factions)
Our parents fought
To right the wrong
(I was gonna grow up to adopt and foster lots of children)
Remington seem's to've won the day
via the PLCAA

But! We are the ghosts of the slain Sandy Hook children!
We've come to revenge our names…
You'll not forget
Your hands are wet
Bloody money
Funds your family

02. Karōjisatsu (過労自殺) (Ninja Gaiden - Mine Shaft)

[Welcome to your first day of work at Kaisha Zaibatsu…]
Welcome to your first day of work at Kaisha Zaibatsu (会社 財閥).
As Westerners (外人) you will, of course, not be asked to work as
Hard as we Nihonjin (日本人), as that would be impossible.
Nevertheless you’ll be expected to work your asses
Off in a way that you’ve never before. Now, take my advice:

If you think that it’d be fine
To work from 9 until 9,
Then you can probably make it in Japan…
If working 6 days a week
Gets you so pumped you can’t sleep,
You’ll probably make it work out in Japan...

Or, in any case, if
Working for a family you never see
‘Cause you’re busy with your co-worker family
Such that the way your kids look is a mystery
To you, except for pictures of them that you have on your desk;
If taking a vacation seems anathema
And even taking a pee break seems laughable
Controlling all your bodily functions, admirable
‘Cause taking a dump on company time’s basic’ly theft,

Look at our employee handbook, you’ll see there isn’t a
Section on paid time off, nor workman’s comp, and no sick leave.
That’s only for workers who transfer to America.
Technically, I’m not allowed to express my jealousy.
If you desire to avoid getting fired, well, take my advice:

If you are out of your mind
About the company line,
Then you can probably make it in Japan…
If you can keep up your looks
While working off of the books,
You just might have a bright future in Japan…

Or, at least, if you can
Work a double, then go out and drink a double
Whiskey, drink another like it’s zero trouble,
Laugh as colleagues, clients, bosses blow a bubble
In your face like bobble, then repeat the next day;
Trade in “osaki ni shitsurei shimasu” (お先に失礼します)
For “senpai kidzuite kureru kana” (先輩気づいてくれるかな),
And only consider sleeping if it’s “inemuri” (居眠り),
An emergency, and on a Wednesday,

In time you’ll find you don’t even mind that your life’s a mess,
And the only feeling you have left is hollow inside,
Thereby leaving more room for you to push down all your stress,
And when you inevitably have thoughts of suicide,

I’d recommend visiting Aokigahara (青木ヶ原) to take your life…

03. L’enfer, C’est Les Autres (Megaman 3 - Dr. Wiley Stage)

I am getting out of here and never coming back again, k?!

What’d I just say?
I’m never coming back and
Beg me to stay
It’s never gonna happen
I’ve found a way to accept and love my whole self unconditionally!
I’m not sure why you… wanted to… procreate… when you hate… anyone… who needs you
Why bring one more soul… into being… if the feel… ling of them… needing you… makes you puke?

Right, left, left, right
I’m on my way outta town
I leave tonight
I’m going way underground
You’ll never see me again so long as I succeed in seeing you first!
I know better than… to believe… that you small... town assholes… will renounce… bigotry
I guess I’ll just have… to copy… all the freaks… before me… and flee to… the city

There’s no escape
So long as I’m stuck on Earth
Life’s a hellscape
When you’re aware of your worth
It’s so cliché, but I’ve found no other way to get away from you all!
I’m sure some of you... won’t approve... but your judg… ment of me… (ironically) is provo... king this move
Bye! *gunshot*

04. I Got a Letter / I Gotta Let Her (Ninja Gaiden 2 (Performed sEim))

I got a letter today
She thought it better to say
In writing than to my face
I got a let - I got a letter from the love of my life
The one I always thought would be my wife
She says that I’ve got to let go and move on
As if I were an automaton
But she signed the letter “Love, Heather”. I gotta go and get her!
[I got a letter / I gotta let her…
Just look at the way she signed it! Look at how she signed the letter!
C’mon, man, it says “Love, Heather”! I have gotta go and get her!]

I gotta let her know how
She’s got me feeling somehow
Just need to make her say, Wow!
I gotta let - I gotta let her know she has my whole heart
And I will die if we must be apart
Why can’t she see we were meant to be together?
This letter will get her to see clearly
I just need to find a way to find out her new address!
[I got a letter / I gotta let her…
I just need to find somebody! Somebody with whom she’s friendly!
Who wants to help stop the madness! By giving me her new address!]

I got a letter today
From someone repping the state
A process server named Jay
I got a let - I got a letter from my lover’s lawyer
It was a temporary restraining order
If I penetrate her bubble
Of protection, I’ll be in tons of trouble
I guess the time has come for me to see this isn’t true love!
[I got a letter / I gotta let her…
I guess that the time’s arrived! For me to finally realize!
The thing that people call true love! Is actually a bunch of true lies!]

I gotta let her go now
Although my heart’s saying ow
And I don’t really know how
I gotta let - I’ll let her go… woah, woah, woah...

05. P.I.C. (Mario 3 - Underworld)

Now, here’s a little story I got to tell
About one bad brother y’all don’t know so well
Now, just like any other person,
He had good and bad
And, just like many other persons,
Had the hood for a Dad
Which means that many other versions
Of him might’ve been possible
But, any other person
Woulda turned out just as hostile
Given the state of mind that place and time
Would engender in any reasonable man
Now, man, listen
Not that people can’t overcome their social conditionin’
But that’s one in one million that’s put in that position
Now, with any other warden
Our man might’ve been chill
But with the real life Warden Norton
Things were bound to get ill
Our Norton thought it was important
To teach everyone a lesson
Where most any other warden
Woulda wanted a confession
Or, at least some proof of wrongdoing
Before he sentenced a man to months in the hole
The asshole wasn’t an apple that’s rotten
But a cog in a cotton picking trade,
Exploiting slaves up to present days
Just like in any other prison!

06. Whyte Rapperz (Karnov (Performed mcwHirtEr))

Excuse me, is this culture already taken?
Can I touch your hair and skin and soul?
Just one question: How can I be down?
Suppose my black friend said that I am dope?
Is this not the way to show my love?
Why’d you say I’m like the next Pat Boone?
Might my idols ever love me back?
How is being called white boy not racist?
Why must I go where I don't belong?
Can you hear my lack of melanin?
Aren’t you glad that I am colorblind?
No, I’ve never seen The Jazz Singer. Why d’you ask?
Would you mind if I borrow your swag?
Could your sister braid my stringy hair?
Should I use ebonics at my job?
Will I ever get to say the N word?
Google: How to become black like me?
What do you mean Eminem’s not the G.O.A.T.?
Supposing I dated a mixed race girl?
Does my minor in African American Studies mean nothing?...
Is it true?...

Rain joy! Get thought! Core fat! Fish doll glass!
Pest spring! Jam prey! Bless wealth! Tax cruel class!
Wrap rank! Flu choice! Treat rich! Shine proud nest!
School real! Float free! Fence field! Lamp grave chest!
Gene veil! Drive myth! Staff herb! Rise speed drain!
Hate coin! Crowd eat! Feast round! Lock bolt plane!
Smell spray! Trip plug! Heir flow! Leaf swipe rock!
Thigh brain! Part stroll! Greet see! Trend god pop!
Debt cat! Thick glow! Brag glove! Squash bear trace!
Lid fist! Fleet troop! Throne graze! Land goat trade!
Bomb spit! Push craft! Guest fade! Heart brush white!
Steam first! Slow light! Square tap! Die nun strike!
Lost home! Form talk! Drill draw! Fold tire make!
Lick pan! Row close! High van! Move weak faith!
Road riot! Count rest! Sport fog! Throat shrink praise!
Climb bare! Grief quest! Sip sweep! Club grudge braid!
Cool loss! Dose set! Cash world! Self left charge!
Glue rough! Hurl bird! Chain tooth! Risk bin cause!
Lake church! Bay coat! Ash toll! Calm scratch frog!
Snarl bark! Rib last! Wake miss! Folk snail fault!
Dead corpse! Hip smooth! Snub clerk! Urge floor neck!
Sea sword! Speech inn! Blind leave! Walk foot jet!
Course inch! Route clear! Grounds build! Crude chance waste!
Harm stop! Door thank! Poor frank! Lunch girl shape!
Blank brown! Wheat gun! Smash track! Palm skin catch!
Word choke! Lean tray! Yearn grasp! Crouch price trance!
Firm jail! Sheet gas! Worth wind!

07. Despoilers II (Gremlins II)

Ask the sages or cash your wages!
[Ask the (people just as bad as you that you’ve decided sadly are your betters)
(just a euphemism for the fate awaiting everybody)]

You don’t know what the fuck is going on
Else you wouldn’t have such a fucking dumb
Look upon your fucking dumb-looking face
That’s why God stationed us between Him and this cursed
[Take a look upon their fatherfucking stupid-looking faces
And tell me you don’t see why we had to take control away from]

Class of phages having barely evolved past the
Gaseous stages. Is it any wonder He installed a
[Class of (parasitic viruses that feed off of bacteria) that barely evolved past the
Gaseous (like conditions Stanley Miller recreated in his lab)’s it any wonder He installed a]

Clerkly class to interpret his logos
Attempting such should fill you with phobos
And if it doesn’t, that just demonstrates
That you don’t know enough to be afraid…
[Class of clerics who’ve been tasked with clarifying his dread logos
Even contemplating doing such should fill your heart with deimos!
But if, rather, you feel peaceful, that’s surely just demonstrating
That you don’t know what you don’t well enough to start prostrating!]
{Don’t do this, do that, unless we tell you to do this tomorrow!
These rules are designed to be as hard to swallow as to follow!}

Task your mages to pass your mazes!
[Task your (basic competence’ll look like magic to the barely capable)
(life appears a labyrinth that is inescapable when you’re a fool)]

We don’t know what the fuck is going on
So we foist all our fears and worries onto
People we deem to be credulous
Never minding the consequences of our evil
[Little people we’ve determined to be incredibly credulous
Never minding for one moment that our acts have consequences]

Acts outrageous sanctioned by the Holy Church since
Backwards ages. Now adapted to a modern exploit-
[Acts out (do I even really need give examples of the kind?) done by the Holy Church since
Backwards (I’m still mad at what they did to my boy Giardano B) adapted to a modern exploit-]

-ation of megachurch parishioners,
Devoutly hoping, praying, and wishing for
God to grant all manner of childish hopes.
Can one doubt that we must control these dopes?...
[Exploitation of the idiots who love to fill megachurches
Offering up what are basically Christmas wish lists for their worship!
What more proof could rhetors need? they’re pusillanimous and parochial
Desperately in need of betters to put them into a chokehold!]
{Do as we say not as we do. We do things you’re not allowed to!
Don’t you want to go to Heaven? Such depends on pleasing old men!}

Act courageous, or…
[Act or (you’ll be under someone’s boot forever if you don’t…)]

08. Bernie Would Have Won (Megaman II-Stage Select + Metal Man)

Oh good, great, here we go, yay

Donald Trump’s become the Forty-fifth President of the US
Those who predicted that Hillary Clinton would win look clueless
Not only has our first woman candidate been soundly beaten
But the White House is now stocked with all manner of brutal heathens
Billionaires who don’t care about us or any of our troubles
Living inside of a gilded castle inside of a bubble
Racist minions of theirs run amok causing all kinds of evils
Seems a perfectly good time to go back and rehash the results -- Nooooo...

Given that she was wildly unpopular and
Given that she was mainly a proxy for
A bunch of elites the Rust Belt was hostile towards…
[Think f’all the things that wouldn’t’ve had to’ve happened, if only…]
Yeah, right! That’s all right!
And given that he was truly authentic
In a way that many found to be so resonant
Don’t you think that he should’ve been our candidate, or?...
[And think f’all the good we could’ve gotten done, if only…]
No, right! You’re so right!

Didn’t you learn a thing slash your lesson
Supporting neoliberal hawk Hillary Clinton?
I mean, bro,
Didn’t you learn a thing last election?
If nothing else, you must see now Bernie would have won!

Does it hurt right now to know that Bernie would have won?!
Does it make you regret your faith in all of the Democrat leaders and operatives?
Learn right now: Know that Bernie would have won!
You might think a Socialist Jew wouldn’ta stood a chance,
But he would!

Given that we were longing for outsiders and
Given that she’s the ultimate insider it
Seems so easy to see she’s a nonstarter, no?
[Think f’all the bad that wouldn’t’ve had to’ve happened, if only…]
Yeah, right! That’s all right!
And given that he had spent every waking hour
Fighting for those with no money and no power
Shouldn’t have we chose him to take on Trump Tower?
[And think f’how much better we’d be as a country, if only…]
No, right! You’re so right!

Didn’t you learn a thing slash your lesson
Supporting centrist views that died in 2001?
I mean, yo,
Didn’t you learn a thing last election?
If nothing else, you must know now: Bernie would have won!

Does it burn right now to know that Bernie would have won?!
Does it make you wish that the Clintons hadn’t hijacked the nominating processes?
Learn right now: Know that Bernie would have won!
You can tell yourself he’d’ve probably beaten Trump,
‘Cause he would!

Think… of all the things that wouldn’t’ve had to’ve happened if only Bernie would won…
Bro!... Bro!... Bro! Bro! Bro! Bro! Bro!... Bro!... Bro!...

09. I Don't Need to Have Children to Know That You Suck at Parenting (Guardian Legend-Corridor 1)

Ladies & Gentlemen, from the cockpit, this is your captain speaking. It's going to be baby blue skies the entire 14 hour flight today, so make sure and look out your window. You'll wish you could be out there, where it's quiet and peaceful, unlike in here.

I gotta get out of here!
I gotta get out!!

(Very little children, dirty little children!)

If you don't take control
Tiny lil’ heads will roll (Ohhh!...)
After you bought them
Candy that's cotton
Made their teeth rotten
They complain you never got them
Wonka gobstoppers,
Malted milk whoppers,
Candy corn, pop rocks... Till they
Punch and fight and kick and scream
And carry on and make a scene
I haven't seen a single scene
Of this movie on this here screen

(Bratty little children, baddy little children!)

I guess I’ll give up for now
And order some kind of chow (Yeahhh!..)
After much waiting
I'm salivating
Over the plating
And amazing preparation.
Local ingredients
Served with immediacy
and expedience. As my
Knife and fork hang over my plate
Your kid's whining begins to grate
Prompting you to ask the waitress
"Can chef make my kid a milkshake?!"

(Nasty little children, gassy little children!)

Gotta get off this plane
Before I go insane! (Nooo!..)
I would expect this
Casually feckless
Borderline reckless
Parenting in business class, but
This is the first one
This trip's the worst one
Tell your daughter / son chill or
I'll open the cockpit door
And point our airplane at the floor
200 deaths in minutes more
If you don't get a handle on your brat!

Woah!… Dude!… Dude, dude, are you alright, dude?... Like, seriously, dude. Are you ok, dude? Dude. You need to chill, dude.

10. Game Over (Double Dragon 2 [Story, And Boss Music])

Press Start
Today’s the first day of the rest--
Game Over
Rest in peace you little dumb bunny
Press Start
This is the new and improved you!
Game Over
You’ve proved that you’re really no better
Press Start
All that we have’s the here and now!
Game Over
Then and there you showed you got nothing
Press Start
You 2.0 cannot be stopped!
Game Over
Can you stop? There’s really no point to--
Press Start
Carpe diem! as Horace said
Game Over
Let’s start off by seizing not dying
Press Start
You’re gonna show them how it’s done!
Game Over
How dumb can you be? Your ass showing
Press Start
No one can tell you what you are!
Game Over
What are you, some kind of born loser?
Press Start
Live every day like it’s your last!
Game Over
Your last day was barely worth living

Let’s go!

Every time I get a little time under my belt and I start feeling like I’ve finally got a handle, then the game is over
Everybody standing right behind me loves to criticize and tell me how I coulda done it better when the game is over
Everyone is fallible, not everyone is laughable, and I just wanna be someone who does a job that’s passable
I have to pull at least my weight. My team is great and they can’t wait for me to get my shit together till after all our game is over
Every little thing that I did wrong will tend to stay with me and haunt my every waking and my sleeping moments equally
Until I neither sleep, nor eat, nor handle any daily tasks, like taking out the garbage, buying groceries, or taking baths
Until my friends and fam’ly have no choice but to start wearing masks. The kind that were designed to help a soldier facing sarin gas
And through the eyeholes, I see pity. I feel shitty. My whole city’s probably laughing at me ‘cause they can’t believe the game is over!

Unlike in a video game, we only have our single lives
A single chance to get our hearts and minds and souls to synchronize
Time’s run out -- trust me, my brother, I can sympathize
Are we simply getting older, or’s it that our game is over?!

Any time I get a little time all to myself, I like to play a little game and act like there’s no time the game is over
Anybody with me could be forgiven for thinking that I’m not a total basket case; I swear I’m fine the game is over
Anyone who knows me, though, knows my emotions tend to show about as much as stones we throw that touch the surface of a lake:
They leave a little ripple -- like a nipple that’s erect and poking through the fabric of a shirt. My feelings hurt; the game is over
Any little problems in my life that fail to manifest in manifestly healthy ways like sighing, crying, or describing
My feelings inside when hiring Simon the aspiring Albert Ellis Institution psychotherapist whose scale is sliding
Tend to then go into hiding, sublimating in a frightening way. Like when a foe I’m fighting online while there’s lightning flashing,
Crashing all my drives; they’re fried. Inside I die. Into a fit I fly. I rage quit, table flip. I can’t believe the game is over!

Unlike in a video game, we only have these single lives
A single chance to get our hearts and minds and souls to syncretize
Time’s run out -- trust me, my sister, I can sympathize
Are we simply getting older, or’s it that our game is over?!

11. How About We Don't Beat Ourselves Up No More?! (Ghosts 'n' Goblins - Intro)

How about we don't beat ourselves up no more?!

12. Great Great Grandpa (Guardian Legend (Performed mcwHirtEr))

Grandpa… You were stern… So I'd learn… Forgive me Grandpa!
You gave… only the best to me… now it's all gone!

Grandson… You bring such joy to me… Still just a boy to me… I love you Grandson!
And... I always will no matter what you do

Great Grandpa… I've forgot… All you taught… Forgive me Great Grandpa!
I have… wholly forgotten you… and now you're gone!

Great Grandson… You fit so happily… Into our family… I love you Great Grandson!
I'm so proud that you're carrying on our name

Great Great Grandpa… I have lost… I am lost… Forgive me Great Great Grandpa!
You have… given me everything… but now it's gone!

Great Great Grandson… You are a testament… To all that's best in us… I love you Great Great Grandson!
I don't doubt that the future's bright with you there

13. S.C.U.M. Manifesto (Blastermaster - Stage 2)

And in today's Top Story: Men have committed 99.9% of all rapes, wars, honor killings, genital mutilations, white collar crimes, mountaintop removals, racist sports team namings...

Can you imag(ine) humans without men?
(Think of the lack of aggression and arrogance!)
I feel that I (in)dubitably can
(Just try and imagine the peace and the harmony!)
No more wars… (basically) no human trafficking
(No more misogyny!)
We’d... survive... should we... replace... all of our kings with queens!

Can you envis(ion): we’re only women
(I understand that I cease to exist in this!)
That’s the only (thought) keeping me goin’
(I’d gladly accept if it meant we’d be free of us!)
Much less rape… and much less child abuse
(No capitalism!)
Let’s... relight... the fuse... lit by... Valerie Solanas!

14. The Belchies 'R' Taffy Butt (Goonies 2)

In a world… where the sequel to a beloved children's movie can seem to be forever on the verge of getting made without ever actually happening, a video game can be created which has the title that the follow-up movie in all likelihood will have, should it ever get greenlit. Meanwhile, almost exactly 15 years after the creation of said game, a quirky animated series will inexplicably start its second season with a parody of that original movie. And a handful of years after that, a lone lyricist / vocalist will take the lyrics to the joke version of that movie's theme song -- together with some of his own creation -- that the animators asked the song's original interpreter to perform for their episode's outro credits, and record them over a cover of the video game's music that an instrumental rock band from Sacramento, California recorded back in 2004. Ladies & Gentlemen, welcome to the endlessly recursive Internet Age… Welcome to… Taffy Butt.

They call themselves "The Belchies." The taffy factory. The butt-shaped cave. The darkest crevice. The footloose dancing. The penis pills. And Taff… Join the adventure!

Teddy was right about the treasure in the butt
The next day you will see: Taff is washed up on the beach and..
Oh, my God, is that a gold bar?
The wave just washed him out far
The kids didn't look close enough in the
Taffy butt
You have a taffy butt
There's treasure in that butt!
I want that taffy butt!
Ay ya ya ya ya!

Why does Tina even have such a thing for Jimmy Junior?
He's a jerk face just like his Dad. He doesn't deserve her; she could totally do better
I get that he dances his feelings
But otherwise he's completely unappealing
At the end of the day, it's probably just his
Taffy butt
He's got a taffy butt
There's gold there in that butt!
She wants his taffy butt!
Ay ya ya ya ya!

15. Proselytutes (Ghosts 'n' Goblins)

Let’s suppose that their basic premise is sound (although I doubt so)
Next suppose that we’re basically mentally sound (although that’s doubtful)
In any case, it’s
Terribly wasteful
To give away or
Elsewise erase all
Evidence.. of providence.. and presence of.. God’s love!
And we don’t have to be ashamed
To reap a bad name
To feel guilt or stain
In chasing our fame and fortune --
Or at least some balance

Episode two is similar to the first (in many which ways)
Leopard toads too could certainly do much worse (than love their witch ways)
What does it aid them
To join the mayhem
Arrayed against them?
Godly as Satan’s
Reverie… of revelry… and revolu… tions past!
But we don’t have to play their game:
We say what we change
And what stays the same
When building our name and numbers --
Or at least some safety
Nets!

16. Alright, I Get It! (Megaman 2 - Flashman)

IIIIIIIIIIIIIII... I’ve got some bad news, or at least you’ll prob’ly find it so
(Man or woman, woman or man. This is the plan, this is what happens!)
As for myself, I’ve no interest in softening the blow
(Younger or old, older or young. Nowhere to run, this is what happens!)
I’ve spent my lifetime accepting these undisputed facts
(Richer or poor, poorer or rich. This is the sitch, this is what happens!)
Plug your ears, say “la la la”, for me there’s no turning back
(Happy or sad, at peace or mad: Here’s how our story ends!)

The Human Race is about wrapped up, as any idiot can see
Between overpopulation, global warming, and looming World War III
This means that no one’s surviving… None of your grandmas, grandpas, aunts, or uncles
Don’t waste time crying... You’re better off just going out and living!

(I really don’t see why you need to be so intently focused on negativity.
Don’t you think you’re selling short humanity’s capacity for great ingenuity?
Sure, we’ve painted ourselves into quite a couple corners that we can’t easily escape,
But that doesn’t mean we just need to lie down and accept nothingness as our certain fate.
No one’s surv - Alright, I get it. I kinda figured. I got it.
Don’t waste time - I kinda figured. Alright, I get it. I got it!)

If we manage not to kill ourselves, the Sun will swallow the Earth
In about 5,000,000,000 years it’ll go white dwarf, after it red giants first
This means that everyone’s dying… All of your brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews
There’s no point crying!.. You’re better off just getting out and living!

(What would even prompt a person to want to know something such as this? Really, what’s the point?
Don’t we have enough things on our plate that we can skip the future trip? I am so annoyed.
Sounds like somebody could stand to start a hobby, or perhaps apply for a second job.
Volunteering’s really wonderful for the soul, or I can suggest adopting a dog.
Everyone’s - Alright, I get it. I kinda figured. I got it.
There's no point - I kinda figured. Alright, I get it. I got it!)

Should we somehow ‘scape our solar system, we’re still in quite a mess
Our ever-expanding Universe will cool down, resulting in a heat death
This means that we’re all expiring... Each of our mothers, fathers, friends and lovers
Why waste time crying?.. You'd better spend most of your lifetime living!

(I’m just gonna go ahead and walk away now, hope that’s cool. Okay? See you later, bro.
I don’t see us getting anywhere with this, but I wish you nothing but the best, you know?
I’ve got better things to do with my time than concern myself with these hypotheticals.
They don’t motivate me to embrace life, in fact I find them to be antithetical.
We’re all exp - Alright, I get it. I kinda figured. I got it.
Why waste time - I kinda figured. Alright, I get it. I got it!)

17. Ouroboros (Contra - Snowfields)

Unrequited affection is Humankind as Ouroboros

Millie has a crush on Billy
Billy thinks she's silly
He likes Lace Chantilly
A dancer out in Philly
Lace only knows Billy
By his dollar billies
Otherwise she really
Only wonders Will he?
He being Dan O'Hana
Leave his wife Susanna?
Suzy has a man or
Two on the side

So we see in front of us
A branching like the San Andreas fault lines

Everybody likes somebody
But nobody likes their buddy!

In its great complexity
It resembles Sex and the City plot lines

Everybody likes somebody
But nobody likes them back!

Suzy, the aforementioned floozy
Fitting tons of brewskis
In her comfy koozie
Hits Dan with a doozy:
Fraid you're gonna lose me
To a nun community
‘Cause my heart is in mutiny
And only wants to commune with He.
A sister at the convent
Has a crisis of conscience
‘Cause if she's being honest
She's gay for Suze!

To the out and insider
It can seem to be very spiderweb-like

Everybody likes somebody
But nobody likes their buddy!

It's a farther-spreading-morass than
That mapped by that Social Graph website

Everybody likes somebody
But that bud loves Millicent!

18. The Berenstein Bears (Mega Man 2 Wiley (*^ (milnEr))

First, I just need a place to live that is stylish yet affordable, without being hipsterish or cheap, not too far out of town, with a decent view, great neighbors, and a landlord who is not an asshole

Then I just need a fun, interesting, and consistently challenging job that pays well with good benefits doing personally meaningful work that helps others, with awesome coworkers and a cool, supportive boss

Then I just need to find volunteer opportunities in communities I care about addressing problems that are personally resonant without being overwhelming, depressing, or draining, either emotionally or financially

Then I just need to surround myself with like-minded individuals with their own unique take on the world, who I can depend on for mutual support while holding me to my bullshit, and provoking lots of laughs in the meantime

Then I just need to find a loving partner who will accept me as I am, flaws and all, yet still challenge me to be the best version of myself I can be. They must be sexy, brilliant, fascinating, and totally in love with me at all times forever

Then I just need to get myself into therapy so that I can work through all my deep-seated childhood issues such that I can begin to truly love myself as myself, while retaining some elements of ineffable mystery

Then I just need all of my friends, family, neighbors, coworkers and partner to go through the same process so that I can interact almost exclusively with other unconditionally self-loving, well-adjusted people

Then I just need my representative bodies at the local, municipal, and state level to start enacting policies that are enlightened and forward-thinking, yet wisely cognizant of the realities of modern day life

Then I just need my nation to become a beacon for transparency, fairness, equity, respect for human rights, non-imperialism, and non-militarism, while maintaining a strong defense force to protect all of said values

Then I just need all other nations in the world to follow its lead and agree to drop their mutual hostilities simultaneously, such that we can all live in peace, harmony and mutually beneficial prosperity forever

Then I just need all people the world over to work together to fix unsustainable population growth, environmental degradation, climate change, global poverty, institutional racism, sexism, homophobia, etc

Then I just need God to promise me a painless, terror-free death that will be dignified and meaningful and not at all a source of embarrassment to my loved ones or hilarity to my enemies

And then I'll finally have a chance at happiness…

19. Hey Little Critter (Ninja Gaiden - Stage 1)

One of the main consequences
Of our warming of the globe is
Summary death sentences
For a number of species of innocence
And, whether we’re killing off a friend
Or faunae on which we depend
Now’s the time to make amends
For all the sins that we’ve committed in the name of capitalism!

Hey little kitty
You’ve been a really good friend
I hate to tell ya
But, kitty, this is the end!
I beg your pardon
And your forgiveness and such
It’s not much
It’s not enough

Hey little spider
Thank you for eating them bugs
And also thank you
For taking all of them drugs!
We learned a lot from
The crazy webs that you made
And also
We’re assholes

Hey little piggy
I bet you’re actually stoked
To be at the end
The way we treat you’s a joke!
We love to turn you
Into all kinds of good food
It’s no good
We’re so rude

Hey little critter
You don’t even have a name
Yet now you’re dying
That feels incredibly lame!
It kinda makes me
Wish that we hadn’t been born
I’ll bet you
Wish that too

And then they were gone...
Never to be seen or heard again!

We might know it’s wrong
Yet we go along
Willingly or unwillingly!
We bring down
The Ark of Noah with our selfish ways!

Hey little doggy
You’ve been the best friend of man
But man it turns out
Has dealt you a shitty hand!
What has it got you
All of that loyalty stuff
But getting snuffed?
That’s rough, rough

Hey little bunny
You helped my PTSD
And kept me company
When shopping for groceries!
Of course I’d rather
Have never fought in that war
But oh well
We’re going to hell

Hey little froggy
I know this isn’t a joke
But you do know that
You’re gonna totally croak?!
This isn’t news, right?
Don’t mean to jump it on you
But boo hoo
It’s too true

Hey little baby
You’re really no different
From all the other
Animals: this is the end!
We think we’re special
We think we’re different; we’re not!
Your mom, dad
Feel so bad

And then they were gone...
Never to be seen or heard again!

We might know it’s wrong
Yet we go along
Willingly or unwillingly!
We bring down
Noah’s Ark with our human-centric ways!

20. A 'Merican Teen Dream (Batman 2)

When you get older, then maybe you'll understand
How we got over, but we certainly hope not
When you get older, then maybe you'll understand
How we controlled ya, just don't give it much thought

Hey kids, let's talk
Help old dad out here
If you don't stop
Waking up, I'll have so much to fear

American Teen! you've always been the one the world must look up to
No matter how offensive that seems
To those who don't share your
American Dream! either because they can't or really don't want to
Have pity on the people who don't have the ways or the means
(Either that or they're aware of all the ways we’re out to get them!)

Buy your identity!
Be corporate entities!
Post your pics!
Sell your clicks!
And then get ready to bemoan the general situation…

When you get older, then maybe you'll understand
How we got over, if you can imagine
When you get older, then maybe you'll understand
How we controlled ya, but don't sweat it till then

Hey kids, let’s rock!
Real life's such a drag
Or, if you can’t not
Speak your mind, at least say it via #hashtag

American Teen! the one the world has always been forced to worship
Don't let their jealousy harsh your vibe
Till you get over your
American Dream! the fantasy that arms the guns of our warships
If you don't keep believing, we might not have God on our side
(Show up with a smile on, or we’ll photoshop one on you later!)

Show your brand loyalty!
Become bland royalty!
Coin your memes!
Sell your dreams!
And then get ready to exploit the younger generation…

When you get older

21. MonUGHamy (Megaman III - Sparkman)

Wait, whaaaaat???!!!

(Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Wait a minute!...
Wait a second! Wait a second! Wait a second! Wait a second!...)

We need to talk, I'm afraid I can take no more, love
I think you rock, but monogamy's such a bore, and
You've made it clear that polygamy's not for you, dear
Thus it would seem that we should simply bid adieu, ‘cause

(I can't believe it, you can't be leaving. Oh, please, no; please don't go!)

I been doing some thinking
And allowed some feelings to sink in
And I think it's fair to say (Oh, please, no scenes. No, don’t!)
Despite my skepticism
To your quaint romantic vision
I have tried doing things your way (Oh, please, no scenes. No, don’t!)

(Oh, no you don't… Not this trope… I had hoped… That we'd already moved on)

Please don't take this pers'nally
And I hope you won't think worse of me
You are definitely an intellectually complex bff to me
But, no one person can address
All the needs we all possess
And especially not sexually, so
Please don't ask me to keep on

(You can't be leaving, I must be dreaming. Oh, please, no; please don't go!)

Relating, they do say,
Is a street that should be two-way
But it hasn't been one for us (Oh, please, no scenes. No, don’t!)
I really don't see why
You are not willing to at least try
My way of dealing with lust (Oh, please, no scenes. No, don’t!)

(Go, sow your oats… Go for broke… I just hope… You won't ask me to quit you)

I feel like I've tried my best
To adhere to your behest
But it's just not my quest
I'm at peace with my “non-success”, now
I accept you don't agree
But you don't seem to accept me
So, I rest my defense; I just
Can't keep tryin'a convince you

(I must be dreaming, you must be kidding. Oh, please, no; please don't go!)

I cannot continue
To give self-hatred a venue
In the interest of my health (Oh, please, no scenes. No, don’t!)
It really don't bother me
That I'm not into monogamy
I am still gonna love myself (Oh, please, no scenes. No, don’t!)

(Woah, slow your roll… Take control… There's still hope… Just don't tell me to fuck off. Ow!)

Just because society
Isn't on the side of me
Doesn't mean I'm gonna sleep on
this freak-a-thon inside of me. Now,
I've been told I have a choice:
Lose respect or lose my voice
So I guess I'll be respectfully
Telling all y'all haters to fuck off now!

22. Behind Every Great Fortune Lies a Great Crime (Super Mario Bros. 2 - Overworld)

And now an allegory about wealth…

Better luck next time, and you’re sure gonna need it!
Get better luck next time, and you’re sure to believe that
The better your luck, the less your problems will suck,
And then you won’t need your luck anymore…

You tried your best! Nobody could say you didn’t give your all
- Oh no no no no no no no! -
Everyone agrees you gave a hundred and ten percent
- Go go go go go go go go! - Ha ha ha ha ha…
You missed your kids’ soccer games, your wedding anniversary
- Uh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh! -
Chasing pots o’ gold you’were told would fill the hole in your soul
Somewhere o’er the rainbow

Given the circumstances your choices seem inexorably judicious to us -- your idols
It’s not your fault; like Zeno, every step you take your object takes a half-step further from you

Better luck next time, and you’re sure gonna need it!
Get better luck next time, and you’ll surely believe that
The better your luck, the better things get unstuck,
Until you don’t need your luck anymore…

We stacked the deck! Just in case you accidentally had some luck
- Oh woah oh oh oh oh oh oh! -
Can’t admit new members on something capricious as chance
- Oh no no no no no no no no! - Ha ha ha ha ha…
Life isn’t fair! And there’s nothing more lifelike than making dough
- Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh! -
Dough turns into pie, which we prefer dividing by none
That’s a healthy sum. Yum!

Maybe you thought your offspring would have a chance of doing a little better than you -- you softy
What you neglected to consider is the bottomless voracity of our gluttony

Better luck next time, and you’re sure gonna need it!
Get better luck next time, and you’re sure to believe that
The better your luck, the less your problems will suck,
And then you won’t need your luck anymore!

...Don't be mad you lost!

23. Everybody's Awfsome! (Teenage Mutant Ninga Turtles II - Technodrome)

Everybody's awful! And I include myself in --
Everybody's awful! Let's be real!
Everybody's awful! It isn't controversial...
Everybody's awful! All one needs to do is look in mirrors, out windows, or glance at the daily paper

No matter how long you have been around
Surely you've found, or at least begun to notice
Given the means, motive, and opportunity, we all would...

Rat out on a neighbor, if it means we'll increase our space
Sabotage a coworker, if it'll lead to a raise
Trample all our brothers, while we
Backstab all our mothers gladly, ‘cause
Everybody's awful, and it's so sad!

It coulda been some other type of way
If we humans, in our early days, had
Not been scared shitless
And set up our societies so everybody's awful!

And this is no excuse, but
When we're all acting bad
We begin to feel as though
If we don't slash and grab
We'll be losers in the zero-sum
Game we've decided that life is
And thereby we're blinded
To all the multifaceted complexities, so we don't notice

Everybody's awesome! And I include you in this
Everybody's awesome! All the feels!
Everybody's awesome! It's not a stretch to say that
Everybody's awesome! All one needs to do is turn off their phones, teevees, computers, et cetera, and...

Get on the street, get around with your feet
Surely you'll meet somebody who makes you giggle
Given the space, time, and the opportunity, we all will...

Clothe a homeless homie with the very shirt off our back
Volunteer to tutor students struggling with their math
Pay it forward at the store
While texting someone we adore ‘cause
Everybody's awesome, and it's so rad!

No matter how terrible life can get,
We can't allow it to infect our mindset,
Such that we forget
That, more or less, it is a fact that everybody's awesome!

And this is not some pollyanna
Rose-tinted glass
Beaver cleaver, candy ass
Way of the world that's not,
But a very solemn thought that
Gets lost in our lusting for violence
And hatred of silence.
I gotta thank a Scientist that some of us can recognize that

Everybody's awfsome!

… Game Over

More About This Album:

The fourth (and final?) Advantage: proGrammar album.

Nintendo covers played, recorded by The Advantage.
Lyrics written, vocals performed & recorded by proGrammar.
Mixed by Stewart Hidalgo.
Mastered by Timothy Stollenwerk.
Cover art concepts by proGrammar, execution by Paul Anson.
Music composed by Yasuaki Fujita & Harumi Fujita, Naoki Kodaka, Koji Kondo, Cyndi Lauper, Stephen Broughton Lunt, Hidenori Maezawa, Yasuhiko Manno, Masatomo Miyamoto, Ayako Mori, Kozo Nakamura, Ryuichi Nitta, Mayuko Okamura, Kiyohiro Sada, Takeshi Santo, Arthur Stead, Takashi Tateishi, Keiji Yamagishi, & Kazunaka Yamane.

A world of thanks to my friends, family, & Advantage: proGrammar Superfans: Symposiast, Kent Karlsson, Steve and Sue Mackenzie, Anne Jan Brouwer, luceo non uro, Robin Sjölund, Catherine and Tom Mix, Sianna, and Conny Brunnkvist. Thank you all so much for your love and support!

Thanks also to Nintendo and Kill Rock Stars for not suing us (so far! ; )

“Game Over” is dedicated to some of the best musicians / dudes in the world: Robby, Ben, Carson, Spencer. Love you dudes!
(...and special thanks to Nick! : )